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Let's go grab some Frostys and then bang." Socially competent people know to just ask someone out to dinner and then let the banging happen organically.13. There's no shame in being unemployed for a stretch or getting paid under the counter. Nothing says “I’m a laugh a minute” like preparing for death! Fifth date: First Base, because by that time, ladies, you will be so hot a cold shower couldn’t cool your desires! You can’t just drop that you met JC in 1975 and not give us any details! His other social media profiles are really private. You're thinking things are going really well so far. Is he sleeping during the day and going out at night to fight crime? He sends 15 texts in a row when you don't respond right away. Time to send nine more just to make sure you're not missing them. attentive now, just wait until you meet in person.5. You're probably hoping he has a sexy, checkered past. In reality, he just doesn't want you to find out about his DUI.6. He knows better than to explicitly text, "I m so horne," or ask for pictures of your breasts, but he's . There's no way anyone showers or lifts that much, bro.8. You've had plans to meet up on multiple occasions, and something always happens. People are always checking him out when he walks down the street, but he hates the attention. Even if it's a really pretty dick, the odds that this guy is going to be a good husband are slim to none. He calls you "baby" within his first three messages.You're really hitting it off, but the dude is basically a ghost. No one who online dates is "off the grid." He's hiding a dark secret (or he just has a girlfriend).2. And then suddenly you don't hear from him for 12 hours. Either his mom gets sick or he gets a flat tire or his mom gets sick again. Bailing eight times means he's hoping you'll send him nude pictures without him ever having to actually meet you.9. He's always complaining about the long hours he works, but he makes really good money, so it's OK. Everyone likes to talk themselves up when you first meet them, but he really forces conversations in odd directions just to get the chance to make himself look cool. Unless you are actually a giant baby, Benjamin Button-style, there's no reason for some guy you don't know to call you that.