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I thought about this Saturday because of a woman I met and talked with.She’s consumed with trying to make a decision that will affect the rest of her life.With one guy, she feels the magical connection that most of us want to feel and that a few of us have felt in a very real way. What’s more, she feels that he needs her far more than she needs him.He’s apparently a great guy who will be a good father and husband — and he’s more financially stable — but the things she likes about him are mostly in her head, not her heart.1 I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.I loafe and invite my soul, I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.– You’ve decided that until they spell it out, loud and clear and even get a whole heap of nasty on you, that not only are you still in with a chance, but that you don’t fully believe what they’ve been ‘hinting’ at because they haven’t said it. Actions and words (or the lack of them) give a clue, as do certain situations. Well hinting in dating and relationships is very much like Catchphrase – the more clues you have to collect before you take the hint, the less of a relationship you have and the deeper you are into an unhealthy situation, either because they’re at best taking advantage of and at worst abusing you, or because by refusing to take the hints, you’ve ended up acting without self-love, care, trust, and respect towards yourself.Where there’s one clue there are other clues, but the truth is, often just one clue alone is giving you vital information. Contestants were presented with a hidden image of a catchphrase and the computer would remove jigsaw like pieces one at a time, and they’d have to try and guess what the image said. We’d be killing ourselves laughing when the host Roy Walker would get distinctly impatient when practically the whole image was there and they were still struggling. The most popular argument that people who won’t take the hint make, is that they believe that if someone for example wants to communicate “I don’t want a relationship” or “I’m not ready” or “I’m not interested” or “I’m not leaving my partner” or “I only want you for a shag, an ego stroke, or a shoulder to lean on”, that they should say this directly. Putting it all on someone else to spell it out, is major avoidance of responsibility and accountability.
When you’re dealing with someone who is either conflict avoidant and/or afraid of endangering a shag/ego stroke/shoulder to lean on/money/ or even a job, they’re going to hint.Every day, people who are dating or in relationships where there’s unavailability or other issues, come up against hinting, you know indirectly or slightly indicating something.In essence, we receive feedback and signals from the actions and words of our partners that let’s us know what’s up…if we’re listening and watching.– You deny, rationalise, and minimise which then means that hints become a blank canvas for your overactive imagination.– Certain things have been said that you don’t like or want to believe, which you then spend copious amounts of time and energy analysing and ruminating over.